Recovering the memories...

When I turned 21, the world opened up a little more for me and the possibilities came pouring in. No longer did I have to sneak alcohol, wait for certain nights when I knew I could get into places because I somehow had a connection to the person working the door, or try to act "cool" to get the attention of a female that was a year or two older than me. Nope. Now I could go out and experience all of the thrills of alcohol consumption and meeting a lot of girls.

So around 10 summers ago, I did meet a girl. Her name was Heather. She was a waitress at a restaurant on the shoreline in CT. I remember the day... I was hanging out with my "recently turned 21" friends, trying to act cool and impress the socialites gathering around the tables, lying to some girl and actually trying to be a dick because I thought it would impress her (hey I was 21... what the fuck did I know?).

At the end of the night I noticed a girl cleaning tables and getting ready to mop the floor. I coyly introduced myself as to not come across like the person I was pretending to be with some other girl earlier. She had a great smile and I'll never forget making her laugh. I found myself compelled to ask her to go for a hike sometime with me, and she agreed, much to my surprise. After all, I was half in the bag from what I remember, and I guess I didn't say anything too stupid to make her reluctant to talk with me.

That was at the beginning of the summer, some 10 odd years ago.

By the end of the summer, Heather and I were going along pretty strong. Remember, I was 21, and I think when you're that age, the world is pretty much huge... everything is a big deal. This relationship that I found myself in was a big deal and I was most certainly in love.

One morning Heather and I woke up to go out to breakfast, much like we always did on the weekend mornings. We stopped for coffee before heading out for the day and that was when she crushed me like I had never been crushed before. She told me she was moving to Arizona and not coming back. I was not welcome to come.

Remember... everything is HUGE at the tender age of 21... at least it was for me...

I spent the remaining days of that summer, into the latter part of September listening to a lot of "Recovering The Satellites" from the Counting Crows. Never before had a record spoken so much truth to me. I could recite all the lines and tell you what they meant to me, but that would take up a lot of time. There was a beautiful comfort in my tragedy, and these words sung by Adam Duritz absolutely cradled me in my sadness. Listening, crying, singing along to this record was cathartic, depressing, joyous, and enlightening. I learned a lot about myself, my purpose and my life during that time.

So, why do I bring this up today? Well, lots of reasons. Today was like one of late summer/early fall days back then, spending time with Heather before she left for good, before I'd see her ever again. The air was still warm, but there was the most gentle, cool breeze, hinting that fall was only a few weeks away. But it was beautiful outside, just like today. The leaves were just beginning to transform from lush green to a hint of a golden amber. The sadness and optimism were lingering in the air, just like for me today. And while I'm never, ever truly alone in this world, as I've got some great people in my life, I still felt alone today... a lot like I did back then.

"Gonna get back to basics
I guess I'll start it up again
I'm falling from the ceiling
I'm falling from the sky every now and then"

Interesting how history truly does repeat itself...

Well, here's a toast: To great records... to great songs that transcend the times... to great friends by your side...

See ya soon...

-SA